I had a time tough thinking of a domain name that I liked. I knew I wanted to blog about my time here in Texas (which I have been very lazy about if you haven’t noticed), and I knew I would probably be homesick from time to time. Cali On My Mind came to me, and while yes, “Cali” is short for California, this is also Cali.
We got her when I was in high school when she was just a puppy. I named her. And believe it or not, I was not a “dog person” before we got her. Those of you who know me well, know that I stare at every dog that I pass on the street. She was mischievous, chewed on my clothes and flip flops, and was always hungry. Through the years though, she became fairly well behaved, fiercely independent and strangely very attached at the same time. At home, she would be very content doing her own thing unless you have food, but on off leash hikes, you wouldn’t be able to “lose” her if you tried. She was my favorite hiking buddy. Two years ago in March, we had to put her down. She was 11 years old, and my heart broke in a way that I thought it never could be broken.
In college, both my grandparents passed away within a few years of each other. I liked to think we were pretty close, but to be honest, Cali’s passing affected me so much more. For a while, I felt a little ashamed that I was more upset over my dog’s passing than my grandparents’ passing. Now that more time has passed, I’ve realized that it is okay. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be angry. Her situation versus my grandparents was very sudden and made it that much harder. When you choose to have a pet in your life, they become a permanent part of your life, and they are hopelessly devoted to you. Your relationship with them is different from any other relationship you have with people, even family, so it is okay to react and feel differently. Do not feel bad about it.
Sometimes my mind will wander to Cali or I’ll be watching dog videos (whenever I giggle at home, Ken always asks if I’m watching a dog video) and be reminded of her. Sometimes I’m okay, and sometimes I miss her terribly. Either way, I know it’s only because she brought me so much joy.